Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

It is officially the last day of 2007. It has been a big year for us. We welcomed Bear into the family January 31, 2007, 7 1/2 weeks before his due date. I got laid off from my job May 31, 2007. No big loss as I hated that job anyways. I started a new job July 16, 2007. A lot of other smaller things have happened but what amazes me is how fast this year went. Bear is 11 months old today. 11 months ago he was in the NICU hooked up to oxygen, heart monitors and other machines that go beep in the night. And now he is standing up playing with his Leap Frog activity table and yelling Dada at the top of his lungs.

As I look back on this year one thing is very clear to me. I want to be home with him. I have mentioned this before in more than one post but having spent more than half of the first year of his life as a full time working mom I see how much I have missed. If I am lucky I might get to spend 2 hours with him after I get home from work before he goes to bed. During that time we have to feed him, bathe him, read to him and get in all our cuddle time. That is if I ignore the mail, cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, dinner, etc, etc until after he goes to bed.

I hate this. I know there were times during my maternity leave that I got a little stir crazy from being home all day but mostly that was when he was so tiny I didn't want to take him out in public for fear of him getting sick. Today we made a lovely trip to Target and I enjoyed being the Mom pushing my baby around in the basket stealing kisses while selecting 75% off wrapping paper. I enjoyed my time at home when I sat at the kitchen table drinking my coffee while he sat in his high chair eating cereal. I feel like I am missing out on so much and for what? A job that is ok but nothing spectacular? I don't love it, it is not my calling. It pays decently and provides insurance benefits that we need.

I am hoping 2008 will bring us a solution, such as a better job for my husband with better benefits. Perhaps someone with more courage would step out and trust God to take care of the details but I am just not quite that brave yet. Maybe 2008 will bring me courage. I also find myself itching to get pregnant again. I never thought I would be ready again so soon but who knows? I love the possibility that a new year brings. That is what New Year's is all about. I hope you all have a wonderful and happy New Year's Eve this evening!

1 comment:

Veronica Mitchell said...

I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. I hope you guys find a solution and some peace in the meantime.