Friday, November 30, 2007
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Gift bags. I am wrapping paper retarded. My wrapping looks like a 3 year old did it. Last year when I was pregnant I guilt tripped my co-worker into wrapping some of my gifts for me when he came by to work on my computer. I have no shame.
2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial. Why waste money on a real one when I can use the same one over and over? Not to mention the shedding of needles and watering the fire hazard.
3. When do you put up the tree? Typically the week before Thanksgiving because we usually go out of town and I want it up when I get home after Thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years Day or the next.
5. Do you like eggnog? No, I had tried the non-alcoholic stuff at the grocery store and thought it was ok but I convinced my step-mom to make the real stuff when I was in college and it was nasty!!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? This is a hard one. The only thing that sticks out in my mind is my dollhouse and all the tiny things that went into it. I loved my dollhouse more than any other toy.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? of course. It doesn't feel like Christmas without it. He is the reason for the season as they say.
8. Hardest person to buy for? My stepdad. The man has everything.
9. Easiest person to buy for? My husband. He wants everything and is very specific with his wish list.
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I was given back a DVD I gave someone as a gift. Its not the gift so much as the fact that they wrapped it up and gave it back to me in all seriousness. I already owned a copy of that movie so I gave it to someone else.
11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Early November. I try to be done by December 1. I do most of my shopping online so I have to leave time for shipping and wrapping.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Guilty as charged.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My grandma's homemade cheesecake and her dressing.
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear, and they cannot twinkle. Twinkly lights on the outside of the house only. I like to sit and stare at the tree and the twinkly lights give me a headache.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Angels we have heard on high
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. I grew up with divorced parents and got used to splitting my holidays.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? hmm...Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Blitzen, Donder, yeah I don't remember any more
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I bought a nice Santa at Hobby Lobby for the top of the tree
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve. The rest on Christmas morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Christmas sweaters. Socks are cute. Sweaters are taking it too far.
23. What I love most about Christmas? Christmas Eve church service with my family. Then Christmas breakfast after we open gifts the next morning. Really, just family togetherness.
He is doing much much better health wise. I went to pick him up from daycare today and the teacher said she thought he was hungry because she caught him sucking on another baby's toes, twice. So he either has a budding foot fetish or he has his appetite back.
We also noticed this evening that his bottom gums were really swollen and just the tiniest bit of white was peeking through. This is tooth number 1. On the one hand I am really excited but on the other hand I am sad to see that little gummy smile go away.
We are also meeting with a new potential child care provider next week so cross your fingers for us. I have been praying and praying for some alternate solution to the child care = plague equation. This is a lady who is 5 minutes from our house. $43.00 a week cheaper than my daycare AFTER my discount and she only keeps 5 kids + her own kid. She has a nanny for her kid. What I thought was really striking was that I didn't originally want to contact her due to my fear of at home child care providers but I felt drawn to her if that makes any reason.
I know that there are many wonderful home child care providers but there are also the ones who put kids in pack in plays in the basement and cover them with blankets when the inspector comes. I read too many scary stories in the news. Anyways, I read her last inspection report online on the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services website and she didn't have any violations unlike some of the others who had 4 cats in the house with no vaccination records, unrestrained babies in swings and highchairs, uncovered fish ponds in the back yard, etc. I slept on it and the next morning I still felt the nagging urge to contact her. So I emailed her and asked if she had any availability. She emailed me back and said she didn't. So I figured it wasn't meant to be. Then later that day she emails me back and said one of the older kids she watches just got accepted to a program he was on the waiting list for and she now has an open spot. She offered it to me first since I had just contacted her. So we are going to meet her after work next week. I hope this goes well.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bear is doing well so far. Knock on wood. He is still screaming when I put him to bed at night BUT he is going to sleep pretty quickly and mostly importantly, staying asleep. I think the comment from my bedtime blues post about separation anxiety may be spot on. He has recently started to really watch us when we are there and watch for us when we aren't. He is fine if he can see us but if we put him to bed and he can hear us talking in the next room it upsets him. In the mornings he is usually sitting up looking over the edge of the crib for me or pulling down the bumper pad in his crib so he can watch the door through the slats. It absolutely does wonders for my ego to see him light up when I enter the room and hold up his little chubby arms to me to pick him up. He lights up now when we go in to pick him up at daycare and watches me as I leave the room each morning.
My work has been going pretty well. My student worker is an angel from heaven and has made life so much more tolerable. We have been slow but this has allowed me to catch up on the mountains of paperwork threatening to tip over and bury me in an avalanche each time I walk in my office.
The weather is sunny and gorgeous with just a hint of frost in the air when I leave the house in the morning. This is a huge improvement over our weekend of gray clouds, rain, and cold.
So happy thoughts.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
After having a mini panic attack, I pick up the phone and call my husband who absolutely cannot get away from work today. He took off the Friday before last to get Bear and stayed home with him Monday and Wednesday of last week. I took Monday and Tuesday of last week. I call the doctor's office and explain to the girl on the phone that I NEED A FREAKING DOCTORS NOTE , AGAIN (even though I just got one Sunday from them to bring him back to daycare on MONDAY!). She takes my frantic message and tells me the nurse will call me back. I grab my purse and head out the door to get Bear while cursing the daycare under my breath.
I get to the daycare and they start telling me all about how they are sorry but the state requires them to send him home. I explained that the doctor gave him a clean bill of health SUNDAY and said he could go back to daycare Monday with the caveat that the medication was going to cause an upset stomach. Thats all fine and good they say but they need another note stating that so they can put it in the records in case another kid gets sick. They also mention they have 4 babies who haven't come back yet from the Thanksgiving holiday because they are sick. One has a confirmed case of RSV. The teacher brings in the center director to explain all this to me as well. I understand CYA but seriously? I could have had the doctor fax them the note right then so he could stay but NO I had to take him home today and bring a note tomorrow.
I grab him and strap him in his carseat and run home to grab a blanket and some toys. I snuck him back into my office so I could try to finish a few things before I went home. And because I suck at being sneaky, I left my office keys at home and have to carry him through the office looking for someone with a master key. I get let into my office and put him on the floor with some toys and finished a couple of things. We head home and when I get home and settled in the nurse calls to say I can come pick up the note. Half way across town. Closer to my work that I just came from than my house. So I call my husband and he is an hour and a half away and won't be able to make it by the doctor's office before they close. So I load Bear back up in the car and we got to the doctors where the girl at the desk HAS NO CLUE where the note is. After waiting 10 minutes I get the note. While I am there I notice the flu shot clinic is right there and Bear is due for his 2nd shot. So I decide to walk over and get that done. Of course the line is several people deep with everyone needing to talk to the nurse for 10 minutes. We finally got that done and headed home 30 minutes later.
I'm sorry this is running so long but I am beyond stressed. I have no more sick leave and I am burning through my vacation days. I'm freaking out about the idea of what happens when I run out of leave completely? My husband has about burned that bridge too. We have to find another solution but I only have 3 options.
1. Quit my job of 4 months and make a dramatic cut in our budget
2. Find another child care arrangement (I have been looking but I haven't found anything better)
3. Keep with the status quo and hope Bear finally gets immunity to some of this junk and stays healthy for awhile.
I'm so stressed and frustrated.
Monday, November 26, 2007
The anti-fungal is working great and his mouth is all clear. The diaper rash is doing much better too. But what is driving me crazy is his sleeping. We have been blessed with one of those rare, precious children who goes down for the night and immediately falls asleep and sleeps for 12 hour stretches. The past several days he has cried immediately as soon as we put him down. He has also been waking up crying several times in the night. I don't know what to do. I let him cry for a little while and if he doesn't calm down then I go in and get him. I sooth him until he is calm and then put him back to bed. Is it normal for a 10 month old who was a previously great sleeper to start acting like this out of the blue? It is possible he is teething as he hasn't gotten his first tooth yet.
Gah!! I just want my healthy, sleepy baby back.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
We took him back to the Urgent Care center today and luckily his regular doctor working the Urgent care pediatric cases this weekend. He is awesome and got us all set up with an anti-fungal cream for the rash and an oral anti-fungal medication to clear up his mouth.
We seriously need a break. All I want for Christmas is a healthy baby. I'm dreading taking him to daycare tomorrow so he can pick up more germs. I really thought after we did the tubes that things would slow down. It is hard to believe it has only been one week today since we took him to urgent care for RSV, 2 ear infections, and bronchial pneumonia. It is not just that he gets sick its that it happens so fast and so often. Then to have the antibiotics cause thrush is just the icing on the cake. Thank goodness Bear is an easy baby and takes this all in stride cause momma and daddy aren't taking all this as well. I'm just glad we have insurance and jobs were we can take off work for days to be with a sick baby.
Friday, November 23, 2007
In other news, we survived Thanksgiving. We went over to the neighbor's house around 2:30 and had a wonderful time. My broccoli casserole and my peanut butter pie were both big hits. My husband got ill though and had to leave shortly after we ate and spent the rest of the night moaning and whining. He caught the stomach virus de jour working its way through our family.
Bear is doing better. He isn't wheezing and coughing any more but he did throw up all over me last night just as I got him dressed in his pjs. Yogurt isn't so hot before you eat it. It is so much worse when it comes up. Yuck!
My husband ended up having to work today so Bear and I hung out around the house. I did some online shopping but nothing too much. I did get to go out for sushi tonight for dinner at the new sushi place in town and then got a heavenly carmel machiato at Its a Grind. That made me feel much better about my less than spectacular week. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
1 cup mayo
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
So now I need to decide what to make. They already covered all the major bases with the meat, mashed potatoes, fried sweet potatoes, corn casserole, green beans, homemade bread, pies, cheese ball, etc. I think I will bring my Mom's broccoli casserole and perhaps a dessert. It is so hard to decide when you don't know what people like. We will also bring beer. No Thanksgiving ball game is complete without the beer and our neighbors can put it away with the best of them. The wife told me we will probably be woken up at 4 a.m by the sound of our neighbor opening his 1st can of beer before starting to cook the turkey. I am really looking forward to this. I was bummed about missing Thanksgiving but I am glad to have a back up plan with people we like.
Then Friday we can sit back and watch the Texas Aggies beat the HELL out of t.u. WHOOP!
Perhaps Bear will share some of his Thanksgiving meal with us.
Monday, November 19, 2007
All is right with the world I suppose. He is home and for that I am glad. I am still worried about the vomiting and the raspy breathing. I am worried about taking him back to daycare next week. I don't want to take him to daycare. I don't want any more hospital visits and constant sickness. I don't want people calling me to tell me to come get him because he is sick yet again. I don't want to cancel my long awaited holiday plans to go to see my family for Thanksgiving. I don't want to go back to work.
My heart is heavy. I want so badly to be home with him but I don't want to put that kind of pressure and strain on my husband right now. He has his issues with his work and now is not a good time for me to leave my job, my insurance, my paycheck. I'm praying for something to happen. Divine intervention. I know I have so many blessings and I am grateful but I just feel like home is where I am supposed to be.
My parents just bought my sister a house 10 minutes from them. She is single with 3 kids and in school full time. She hasn't had a job in over 2 years. They gave her a vehicle, pay her insurance, her mortgage, and miscellaneous other bills. Her child support and the government pick up the rest. I love her and I know she needs help but it frustrates me that she is now about to move into a house that is almost 300 square feet bigger than mine and it won't cost her a dime. She is attending school via internet classes. I don't want to be jealous or petty. She has her struggles and is paying for her mistakes in many ways but it is hard to accept that those of us who do work hard and do the right thing don't get some of the same options. I love my independence and my parent's do give us help from time to time but it is still hard not to be envious? jealous? hurt? bitter? I don't know. And the funny thing is that I know she feels the same way about me and my college degree, wedding, nice house, husband, etc. I guess the grass is always greener.
I just needed to vent. That's what blogs are good for.
I was still throwing up but I didn't want to not be there for him so I got dressed and we took him to the Urgent Care center. They checked his ears and he has ear infections in both ears although you couldn't see any drainage yet. They checked his lungs and he had some fluid so they gave him a breathing treatment. They tried to take blood to check for dehydration but after three very difficult attempts they gave up and referred us to the hospital.
We took Bear to the hospital and they did get some blood but could not get an IV in. He came up positive for RSV. That caused bronchial pneumonia and he most likely had a stomach bug too in addition to the ear infections. I felt so horrible. I was already sick and add the guilt of not realizing how sick my child was and I felt like the worst person on earth.
Bear is one of those kids that can be sick as a dog and he will still be smiling and crawling. They did breathing treatments every 3 hours plus antibiotic shots and ear drops. Baby Tylenol brought down the fever and lots of Pedialyte. He got released at 3 this afternoon and we are waiting for the home health care people to drop off a nebulizer for his breathing treatments.
It is good to be home. I know he didn't get any rest in the hospital. I'm keeping him home tomorrow and my husband is staying home Wednesday. We cancelled our Thanksgiving plans with my family. Hopefully he will be all better by next week. He is a real trooper.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
He threw up a little bit last night but nothing bad so we weren't too worried. This morning our appointment was at 9:10 a.m. which they told me when I called two weeks ago was the earliest appointment. We got Bear all dressed and my mom came along to help us wrangle him. We got there and there were already 5 other families there doing pictures. Apparently they slid some people in before us. So we were standing there waiting and Bear throws up all over my Mom and the floor and his cute little picture outfit. We luckily had brought blankets, wipes, and changes of clothes for him and the floor got the brunt of it. The photographer girl comes over and is basically trying to get us to reschedule. Mind you, he is still not running a fever, eating and drinking fine, and he is already on antibiotics. We decided to go ahead and do the pictures since we were there and dressed and Bear seemed fine after he threw up. I'm thinking I won't be getting any mother of the year awards anytime soon. But we did drive 2 hours to come there and scheduled the appointment 2 weeks ago (that is as far in advance as they take appointments) and we had him a new outfit and were already there. We did get some really cute shots though. Once we got back to my Mom's house my husband decided we should drive on home with Bear being sick.
We got home around 5 and he ate a whole package of the Yo Baby yogurt drank 8 oz of juice and water and was crawling around like nothing was wrong. Ugh. We always have to have some mini-drama when we do something. Hopefully Thanksgiving will be more uneventful.
On the upside, when I got home my earrings from Jewelry by Erin were here and they are so freaking cute. I got the little Turkey earrings under the Holiday section, 2 sets of the christmas tree earrings, a set of blue bead earrings, and the little Christmas bulb earrings. The turkey earrings are so adorable. I can't wait to wear them for Thanksgiving.
Friday, November 16, 2007
What makes me feel worse is that she LOVES my husband. The other day we accidentally sent one of our bottles mislabeled with the wrong date on it. I got a 15 minute long lecture about how they can get shut down for something like that. A few days later it was my husband's birthday and he labeled the bottles with the date and his birth year. She totally made fun of me for it and I explained that it was actually my husband that did it.
The next day she was still talking about it and told me she had talked to the other teacher and she wasn't sure it was my husband that did it. In all seriousness. I'm always the one who gets the lectures if he is sick and may need to go home or if he ran out of diapers. My husband said I am being too sensitive but I dread seeing her when I drop him off in the morning. She does a great job with my son and loves him so I can't complain about the care he is getting. It is just a personality conflict.
I really feel comfortable talking to her about it so I guess I will just wait it out until he moves up to the infant B room in a few months. I just needed to vent.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
- Like the fact that I would rather sleep than do anything else on earth (except maybe eating out, it's a close tie). I literally can go to bed at 9:00 at night and sleep till noon the next day. No problem. I wish I didn't love sleep that much. I want to be one of those people who functions on two hours of sleep and pops out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to have quiet time before the baby wakes up. When I was pregnant that was my biggest complaint. Stretch marks? Water retention? Nausea? Nothing compared to my sleep being interrupted by peeing 10 times a night.
- How 'bout the fact that I cannot leave the house without checking to make sure my curling iron is off 18 times? I will unplug it and then clear everything remotely flammable from the surrounding counter (including the blow dryer and hair brush). I will feed the baby then go back and make sure it is off. Then I will get everything packed in the car and check it again as Bear and I head out the door. I have even been halfway down the driveway and stopped and come back in the house to check.
- I am a bit of a know it all. Even if I know jack crap about the subject. If I have an opinion about it trust me, I will share it with you.
- I am a conservative. I used to be somewhat liberal. I went to a pretty conservative university and grew up with conservative parents but I was young and idealistic and wanted to think outside the box. Then I got a job and paid taxes. And met my husband who is a die hard right wing conservative. He loves to talk politics and totally baits people into heated discussions. Now I watch Fox News and there might even be a Mike Huckabee sign on its way to my house. I don't agree with him on everything but he has opened my eyes on a lot of things. Please don't stop reading my blog if you are a Democrat. I promise I will keep my political diatribes to a minimum.
- I'm blind as a bat without my contacts. It is very annoying. Even more annoying that my eyes get worse every FREAKING year so I am not a good candidate for Lasik. That and one eye doctor told me my pupils were huge and Lasik wasn't good for people with huge pupils. I'm still trying to figure out if that was code for something else *snicker*. He went out of business like a year later.
- I think some of the best smells on earth are coffee and bacon, Hugo Boss cologne on a man, campfire smoke, vanilla, and cinnamon rolls.
- I can't sleep without at least 2 pillows, minimum. 3 is preferred. 4 is heaven on earth. I also hate snuggling with anything other than my pillows. That includes my husband. My son is the exception to the rule.
- I have a tendency to sleepwalk and say random things when I am asleep. I have been known to dance on the bed in the middle of the night.
- I am the peace maker in my family. The one that everyone comes to when they are upset about something and my job is to placate everyone. I love my family and I have learned to just accept everyone's personality and roll with it. I am not a "roll with it" kind of person so my family is the exception to that rule.
- I hate sharing. Especially with my husband. He asks for a bite of my food and I know he will eat half of it. Typically when I order something it is something I really wanted and I plan on cleaning my plate. The exception to this rule is if he ordered something better.
- Oh, and I can never think of a good answer when someone asks me my favorite food, movie, etc. I always say something like ice cream or enchiladas because that is probably what I am craving at the time. Like right now, it is sandwiches. But not homemade ones, no, it has to be made by someone else and preferably sliced diagonally and wrapped in paper. And is has avocados. Yum.
Ok. I think that is it for now. I may add more later. I may also NEVER get tagged for another meme.
1. I am a multitasker. The more things I am doing at a time the happier I am. I can't eat without doing something. I must be talking, watching television, or reading. Seriously, I will have my dinner all ready to go and I have to hunt for a blog or a newspaper or TV show to watch before I can settle in and enjoy my meal. This extends beyond eating into working, talking on the phone, driving, cooking, getting a pedicure, etc. I seriously can't do one thing at a time. I would die of boredom. (P.S. - never take me to a spa, I am incapable of relaxation)
2. I have absolutely no problem spending an enormous amount of money on eating out but will never pay full price for clothes. Seriously, it is a problem, I may need an intervention. We went out to dinner to celebrate my husband's birthday last night and dropped $200.00 on dinner. I would literally die if I paid $200.00 for an item of clothing, shoes, or a purse. I really don't think it is the cost so much as the challenge. My mental challenge of looking at things and always thinking "I can get it cheaper". I blame my mother. I also blame her for my addiction to eating out.
3. I have a terrible habit of mimicking other people. The more I like them the more guilty I am of doing this. I pick up words and gestures subconsciously and it takes me weeks or months to kick it. I spent an entire semester of college saying dude after hanging out with a guy who said it all the time. I also say anyways about 3,000 times during a conversation as I change my train of thought and move on to a new topic. I picked that up from my grandmother. Or the word seriously, I picked that up from Grey's Anatomy and use it entirely too much.
4. I talk really, really fast. In the past few years I have slowed it down considerably due to older coworkers who can't hear me and need me to enunciate but the more excited or nervous I am the faster it gets. To the point where I could double as one of the chipmunks (Alvin, Simon, Theodore, I believe were their names). I do this not only because I am nervous but also because I want to say everything I have to say before I get interrupted or before someone changes the subject.
5. I hate calling people on the phone except very close friends and relatives. I much much prefer to talk online, through email, or in person. I prefer to place orders online, reservations, ask people for things, etc. I don't know why I don't like the phone but I just don't. We don't have a home phone line, just cell phones so it is easier for me to screen my calls. I also give out my husband's cell phone number for confirmations, to the dry cleaner, to the mechanic, etc so they will call him instead of me.
6. I hate hate hate airports and flying. The flying part doesn't bother me. It is arriving 3 hours early to make it through security. Having people searching through my bags. Having to take off my flip flops to go through the metal detector knowing thousands of other barefooted people also walked through there. The tiny little cabin space. The fear of my flight being delayed and being stuck on the tarmac for hours. My luggage getting lost. All of these things freak me out. I am a planner and a bit of a control freak so having all of these things out of my control freaks me out. I don't like being treated like a criminal even though I know it is nothing personal. I feel this way when I walk out of stores too. I'm always afraid I will set off the alarm even though I know I didn't steal anything.
7. I sort of speak Russian. I took 3 semesters of Russian in college and then did a 5 week study abroad program. We spent a few days in Kiev, Ukraine and then 3 1/2 weeks in Moscow and finished up with a week in St. Petersburg. I got A's in my courses but my Russian is still really bad. I also took Spanish in High School and you hear a lot of Spanish here in Texas so I get my Russian and Spanish words confused.
Ok. So that is 7 random things about me. I won't tag anyone because I don't think I know 7 bloggers well enough to tag them so if you want to do this meme you are welcome to but not obligated.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
We met through a co-worker of mine who was sort of dating his roomate. She was also dating another guy and I believe she was trying to make a move on my husband as well, but I digress. It was love at first sight or at least as close as I have ever come to it. He was out on his apartment patio smoking and talking with a friend when we walked up. He was all dressed up to go out, later I found out he was going to meet some friends and a girl he had been talking with. We immediately hit it off and he decided not to go out. He took me to Sonic for ice cream instead. On the way there we kept coming across things that we liked about each other and I kept telling him that if you like such and such I am going to marry you. He didn't freak out which is amazing and instead he gave me his number. I informed him that *I* did not call guys they called me and gave him my number. He asked me out for a date for that Friday (this was Wednesday)
I had a blind date already scheduled for the following evening (Thursday night) with another friend of my co-worker. She thought this other guy would be perfect for me. She and I had a presentation that next day and while I was giving the presentation my husband called and left me a message just checking in. Ok, guys don't call the next day, especially if you have a date already scheduled for the next evening so I knew he was really into me. I went ahead and went with my co-worker to meet the blind date that evening since it was already scheduled but my heart wasn't in it. We met for dinner at Chilis and I was not impressed. His friend seemed more interested in me than him. After dinner we decided to go to a local dance hall (I live in Texas) and my co-worker spent the rest of the evening dancing with my date. It was 25 cent drink night and the guy never even offered to pay for a drink so I really was not impressed. I became even less impressed when my co-worker left with him and left me to close out her tab (yes, the same co-worker who was also dating my huband's roommate and another guy). I called my husband from the bar parking lot and we got a good laugh out of my bad blind date.
The next evening we went out to dinner and then went back to his apartment and watched old movies. 3 months later he moved in with me, 1 month after that he proposed, and 1 year to the day after the proposal we got married. It has been really good at times and really tough at others but I couldn't have chosen a more perfect person for me to spend the rest of my life with. He is an incredible father and husband. A tough guy on the outside and a soft heart on the inside. He is my love.
Happy birthday, baby!
Monday, November 12, 2007
When we got home Bear went right down for a nap. The evening before we had taken our new Christmas tree down from the attic and started setting it up so we had the afternoon to finish putting lights on the tree. We will be busy the next 2 weekends and I would rather put my tree up early and enjoy it longer than trying to put it up the 1st weekend in December. My husband has never helped me decorate the tree before but this year he helped me put the lights on, unwrap ornaments and hung a good number of them on the tree. He even put my new tree topper on the top of the tree for me. Then we moved all the rubber maid containers to the attic and the baby swing that Bear hasn't used in 4 months. We spent the rest of the day hanging out watching Lost and Friday Night Lights episodes.
It was just an all around good, relaxing day. I really needed that. We have been blowing and going and the strain of working and trying to be a Mom and wife has been hard.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
We have another couple coming to stay with us this weekend. I went to college with this girl and we studied abroad together in Russia. I got her husband a job working for my husband a few years ago so they became friends. They moved 3 hours away a year and a half ago and want to come back and visit. Yet I am not particularly excited about that either. I don't know why. I always enjoy myself when I hang out with old friends I just don't ever make the effort to really stay close or remain part of their lives. I haven't had a "best" friend since middle school. I miss that. I have several new friends that I have made in the past few years but none I would just pick up the phone with and chat about whatevers bothering me. My husband is really the only person who knows me inside and out and knows all my secrets that a best friend would typically know.
This makes me sad. All of the people I hang out with have best friends that they call up and go shopping or go to lunch and I just don't have that. I almost feel like I am too old. The people I meet and I am friends with now already have someone like that in their lives that they have known for a long time and share inside jokes with. I am grateful to have my husband to go through everything with but nothing beats a close girl friend.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I'm already starting to get stressed. My husband sets the budget then it is my responsibility to select all of the gifts and wrap them and decorate the house. That includes the gifts for people like his father whom I have NO CLUE what to buy. I purchased my first three Christmas presents today from Speaking through me purses. These will be for my mom, my grandma, and my husband's stepmom.
I also stress after the gifts are bought. I look and look and look, second guessing everything I pick out until I talk myself out of everything I picked out. It would be so much easier if everyone just came with an updated Target wish list. Except Target charges an arm and a leg for shipping plus you have to pay tax....I take that back. Everyone should come with an Amazon wishlist. And there are so many people to buy for and so little budget to do it in. I have to get really creative so I don't look cheap. And my sister and her twin boys have December birthdays, my dad, my husband's nephew and my son all have January birthdays. So all those people need Christmas gifts and birthday gifts.
I love Christmas. Hands down, it is my all time favorite holiday. But the gift buying stresses me out. And the travel to see everyone stresses my husband out. And the Discover bill stresses us both out. I want to just enjoy the twinkling lights, carols, crisp weather, my tree and not think about all the materialism. Don't get me wrong, I love a great gift as much as the next girl. But every year the Christmas shopping list gets longer but the budget isn't any bigger. It is hard. It is times like this that I really wish I was creative and could make presents for everyone but that is just not happening.
Monday, November 5, 2007
However, the way that Walgreens set it up you have to basically hunt through all the photos one by one to locate a particular child to vote on. With over 12,000 kids and pets entered it is like a needle in a haystack. I located Bear as number 1872 after much much scrolling but it wouldn't let me get a link to his page so I can ask my friends and family to vote for him. I don't know if he will stay that number or if the pictures will cycle through. It is actually a little frustrating because it is mind boggling how many pictures there are. But if you are interested in seeing some really cute Halloween pictures and helping people win for their kids and pets stop by the Walgreens photo contest here. I would shamelessly ask you to vote for Bear if I thought you could easily locate the picture but I know from experience that is practically impossible (I entered the picture from my October 31st post). But enjoy the pictures anyways.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
My day was going perfectly fine until then. I went this afternoon and got a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, scheduled my son's Christmas pictures with the studio, put out the chicken to defrost for dinner, picked up the 180 pictures I had developed at Walgreens, bought the items I needed to complete my dinner and got myself a treat, or so I thought. Perhaps this is the universe's way of telling me that perhaps the big bag of M&Ms is not in my best interest. Well screw you universe! I want my $6.00 back! (3.99 for M&Ms and 1.99 for gum).
Ok. I had to vent. Luckily they did not forget the two bottles of cheap wine I bought. Without which my day might be a complete loss. Well, that and the pedicure.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Thank you to all of the wonderful people who came by and checked out my blog this week. I hope you will come back and visit.
This is why I can't participate in things like Namopolmo or whatever they call it. Seriously, I can't even spell it and I am waaaay to lazy to Google it. That would require opening of another web browser and gah, I can't handle the pressure. I can barely keep up with trying to wade through the blogs in my Google reader, while trying to work at my real job, and checking my email. God forbid someone IM me. Ok, I digress...what was I talking about? Oh yes, my complete lack of interesting and intriguing things to write. Luckily it is lunch time. Kind of a saved by the bell deal. I must go feed. We'll come back to this later. Or never. Whichever.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
I got laid off from my previous job at the end of May. I went back to work for 6 weeks to finish out my job so I could keep my insurance and collect my severance. At that time we were counting on me staying home for awhile after the layoff so we didn't put Bear in daycare. My mom and grandma came in from out of town traded off watching him for those six weeks. When it came down to it we couldn't go through with me staying home. The figures didn't work out and the stress was so palpable and I thought we might collapse under the weight of it all. The hospital bills came in, taxes had to be paid, cars needed repair, and life went on. I got short term disability for 8 weeks because of my c-section but the remaining 4 weeks I took without pay.
That was tough and the thought of months of barely making it and fighting over who bought the expensive toilet paper was just not something I could deal with. So I took another job. A great job. A job that I would have loved 5 years ago when I graduated from college. My coworkers are great. The benefits and the salary are good. I have a great office with a view and flexible hours. Great sick leave and vacation.
Yet I am miserable. My heart isn't in it. The guilt kills me all day long. The guilt that I am half-assing it. That I am not doing my best, not even close. I used to be the worker that stayed as late as needed to get the job done. That took the job home with me at night. Now I'm spending my days praying that the fever nazis (aka daycare providers) don't call me because I don't have any more sick leave until the 1st of next month. I know I can't quit right now. It is not feasible. We have property taxes coming up (the bill came in today) and Christmas gifts to buy. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to a lot of people. People who think my priorities are skewed. People who judge.
I feel trapped and guilty all the time. I struggle to get through the day. Follow my routine. Enjoy my 2-3 hours of awake time I get to spend with my son every evening. A struggle I know thousands of other mothers have suffered through but yet I feel alone in my burden. My husband is doing the absolute best he can and I know he wants me home with Bear if thats what I want. I wish life came with a TiVo. Pause, FF, RW, Stop. I wish I could pause the job and leave it for when I am done with making my babies and the youngest is in preschool. No penalty. No, so what have you been doing for the past 6 years questions? I dread going to bed at night because I know when I get up I have to do it all over again and again and again. I don't know what the solution is. I'll let you know...
(Just wait until I have teeth, those M&Ms are MINE)
Finally my husband came home and coaxed a few smiles out of him. Then he was D*O*N*E with the whole costume business once and for all. So we stripped him down to his onesie literally seconds before my old coworker came by with his kids. Not one person besides me and my husband actually saw him wearing the costume. Oh well there is always next year....
In other news, he had his 9 month check up yesterday and his tubes are working great. The doctor said his ears look good. Yippee!!