Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Ok, so I am watching American Idol again tonight. I know, I know I seriously need a new hobby. In watching all these people get rejected it made me think about how much harder it is to take rejection when your family is there. When something bad happens I usually hold it together fine until I pick up the phone and call my Mom. Then I typically dissolve into a hot sloppy mess. If I were ever to try out for something like that I know I could not have my family waiting on the other side of the door because I would fall apart knowing I have to face them.

They are wonderful and supportive don't get me wrong. I can handle rejection on my own but there is something about the perception that I am letting them down that I can't get past. I just can't handle something embarrassing or terrible happening in front of people I care about. I can be a complete wreck in front of strangers and laugh it off. Perhaps I am crazy but thats just how I am.


LL said...

I am the exact same way. I will be fine, or at least think I'm fine, and the minute I open my mouth to talk to my mom I'll be a complete mess. Maybe it's that feeling of comfort she provides, like she's the mommy so she's the strong one and I don't have to be- even though I prefer being strong, my subconcious lets go anyway.

Bon said...

i have never consciously paid attention to the fact that i have rather the same issue - i'm doing okay, and then i go to my safe place and suddenly, i'm falling apart. your description of being a hot mess is fabulous.

i'll be spared auditioning for American Idol, though, because...alas...i'm tone deaf. and too old. and, um, Canadian. right. forgot that one.

~Babychaser~ said...

I'm like that too... though probably not for the same reasons. From the time I was a kid... when I'd call mom to come get me sick at school I'd always break down. I was fine with everyone else... but then I would loose all composure.

Now it's the same with DH and others I'm close to.